Fright Night

By now, I'm sure you have gathered that one of my great loves in life is Josef Original figurines.

And if you haven't, lord help you.

However, I bet what you don't know is that there is something in this life that I absolutely despise, and to the same degree with which I adore Josefs. 

And unfortunately my love for Josefs have, at times, crossed paths with that which I loathe....

Bugs.

I hate them, CAN'T stand them.

Whether they fly, crawl, jump, sting, buzz, or bite, I don't want them around me. 

I don't want to see them.

I don't want to hear them.

And, so help me Rhonda, I certainly don't want them touching me. (shudders)

In fact, it's best for everyone involved if bugs and I just kept our distance from one another because nobody wants to hear my high pitched squeal/scream combo. 

Also, there is a safety factor to keep in mind, here. I'm a bigger gal, and when I have an encounter with, for instance, a spider.... I freakin' move, baby! 

Like lightning. 

And I certainly wouldn't want anyone to get hurt.

So with that being said, you can just imagine my absolute horror as I was sitting on the couch, carefully cleaning my latest acquisition that had arrived via the mail, completely unaware that anything may be amiss....when all of a sudden.... a disgusting, winged, and probably poisonous, thing from who-knows-where, fell out of the hole on the underside of the Josef figurine, and lunged at me!

Ok, ok, maybe it wasn't so much of a 'lunge' as it was a 'landing' onto my chest.

And maaaaaybe it wasn't so much 'poisonous' as it was 'harmless'.

But still, it was mighty traumatizing!

Do you have any idea how much self control it took for me to hold onto that Josef doll, instead of flinging it across the room out of sheer terror that there was a slowly emptying nest of these things inside?
Or how much willpower it took to not pass out completely with the doll still in my hands?

Thank goodness my instinct to protect the Josef kicked in, full force.

Yes sir, I handled it rather quite calmly, if I do say so myself.
I simply held the Josef out and away from my body, threw my head back, and screamed. 

Thankfully Hubby was right there to rescue me from this full fledged assault on both my body and mental state. He cleared me of my attacker, and also ensured that no Josefs were harmed during this terrific episode.

It did take me a good hour to calm down and stop suspiciously eyeing up my doll, though. 

After all, I was in what should have been a safe place. 

I was in my home (my HOME!), cozying on the couch, surrounded by loved ones (Josefs and my hubby), happy, calm, and content.....and then BAM...I found myself in the middle of a goddamn horror show!

It takes time to recover from a jolt like that.

Fabric softener sheets, notes, and forgotten hang tags have all been found tucked inside of my Josefs before, but that, my friends, was a first for me.
And hopefully it was the last or else I'm going to develop some major trust issues with the Josefs I buy and the people who sell them to me.

And nightmares.
Lots of nightmares.

As it is, I still get spooked turning a doll over to peer inside.

So you've been warned...BEWARE THE HOLE!

But that's not the only time I've encountered the creepy crawlies when handling Josefs.
No, for I have opened plenty-o-package, and dealt with many-o-wrappings, to find spiders, both dead and alive, having hitched a ride into my no-longer-safe haven. And although I much prefer the dead variety, they still make me squirm (and squeal scream) just the same. 

So next time you get a Josef shipped to you from god knows where, be careful of any unexpected, and possibly invasive, "freebies".

Just another Josef collecting peril to add to the list of many, I suppose.

So, like I said, you've been warned.

Coming in at a very close 2nd for the most loathed thing in life, which ALSO unfortunately happens to cross over into my Josef life??....

DUST

But that's a whole nother entry for a whole nother time.